Take Me As I Am
by Miyazaki A2
Summary: They've been secretly together for a couple of years, and things were going great. But...what will happen to these two med-nins when one of them makes a decision that will change him...forever? KabuShizu ShizuKabu Rated T just cuz. Oneshot


When she found him, his back was to her and he was hunched over in on himself. She recognized is long silver hair instantly and called out his name in a whisper. She knew he could hear. He was listening for her, waiting for her. When he turned, though, his face was twisted into a horrific scowl. The murderous look sent a cold shiver of terror up and down her spine. But…it wasn't just the homicidal set of his mouth that had Shizune frightened…there was also something very, _very _wrong with his eyes.

She wasn't sure of what was wrong until Kabuto's face softened substantially and he stepped closer to her, tenderly breathing her name.

Shizune's gaze shifted from one side of his face to the other. The right eye, sharp and black, somehow warm and cold at the same time, was still able to make her weak at the knees. The left eye, however… Well, if she had the choice, she would gouge out that golden, demonic eye with a kunai. That is, if she wasn't 98.74 sure that it would grow back promptly after being gouged out.

"Kabuto…what have you _done_?!" Her voice was like ice, sharp and cold. As a medical-nin, she could tell _exactly_ what he had done. Feeling betrayed and vulnerable all at the same time, she stared deeply into the golden, stolen eye with as much hatred as she could muster, almost completely forgetting the new owner of her enemy's eye. She unconsciously pulled out a kunai from her fanny pack.

He frowned for a brief instant, but then forced himself to smile gently, making an enormous attempt at being soft towards her, painfully aware of his initial, automatic reaction. "Shizune, please…_please_ don't react like this. There's no point. What's done is done."

Still gripping her kunai, she shot a glance to the safe, black eye that just confused her emotions even more. "But _why_?" she coughed out, unable to get out a real sentence.

Kabuto tried to hold her gaze, inconspicuously stepping closer, paying no mind to the weapon in Shizune's fist. "You wouldn't understand. It's complicated, and you think differently than I do. But just try to imagine…all that _power._ Honestly, how could I pass it up? You know me."

He tried to laugh, but Shizune's face stayed fierce. She redirected her gaze to the golden eye, letting it heighten her anger. "No. I don't. I don't know who you are anymore."

The words fell into Kabuto's ears crisply and sharply, each one attempting to deepen the fissure in his heart. He gave her a withering look, and then reached up to remove his glasses. He only managed to scrape his fingertips against his eyelids, though. He never could remember what the hell he did with his freaking glasses. Sure, he could see just fine, but still. He liked his glasses.

He threw his gaze to the floor, but the stolen, golden eye continued to stare relentlessly forward, causing Shizune to shiver. That eye would _have_ to go.

"Shizune…don't say that. Please. You know me. You do. I've answered every question you've ever asked me. Every single one."

"Sure. I know that your favorite color is violet. I know that when you first joined Orochimaru, you used to have nightmares about anacondas eating your parents alive. I know that your eyes reject every contact lens that you've ever tried to wear." Shizune let out a small sigh. She was usually so quiet and accepting of everything; it practically drained her to be angry, especially at Kabuto. "You're right; you've given me nothing but honest answers to all my questions. But that's always where it ends. You never give me any information if I don't ask for it." She choked on her words for a weak moment. "There are so many things that I've always been to scared to ask. Like where your allegiance lies."

Very slowly, she put her kunai away. She knew that she wouldn't be able to use it. Not on him. Not even now that he was a third of a monster. He was still Kabuto.

Kabuto shook his head at her little speech and, now that her weapon was gone, stepped forward, easily catching her face in his hands. Under normal circumstances, this close proximity would cause Shizune's knees to give out, but not this time. Not with the golden eye of her sworn enemy staring unblinkingly at her. And definitely not with that snake-skin hand that matched his new eye.

"Shizune." His smooth, cool voice caught her attention, and she wrenched her gaze back to the black, safe eye that she had learned to adore. "Shizune, I _have _no allegiance anymore. I belong only to myself…" As he spoke, he rested his forehead against hers, managing to close both of his eyes. "It is a great feeling, that of living without predetermined allies and enemies. You could almost call it freedom." His voice was barely over a whisper, coated with a nostalgic air.

At that point, Shizune was finding it much easier to concentrate on Kabuto's words and actions and closeness. Perhaps it was because she didn't have to look into that snake sannin's eye. Now it was just the two of them, alone.

"Kabuto…if you wanted freedom, why did you take in a _piece_ of that bastard? You couldn't have been that power-hungry. You're kinder than that."

"I'm kind to _you. _That doesn't mean that I don't have my own aspirations. I mean, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't take your own master's power if the opportunity presented itself?" He chuckled lightly at the thought.

Shizune's eyes shot open—though for the life of her she couldn't remember when she closed them—and backed away from him, easily breaking his gentle hold on her face. "Kabuto! Tsunade-sama is like a _sister_ to me! If I ever found her dying like you found Orochimaru, I would give my _life _to save her!"

Kabuto's hands hung in the air numbly. He opened his eyes while he put his hands to the side, noticing quite distinctly when Shizune flinched away from his stolen eye. He nodded in her general direction, taking a step backwards, trying to give his frightened little mouse a little room to breathe. "But that's the difference between you and me," he whispered solemnly, running his powerful eyes over every cell of her heart-shaped face. "I reserve no love for my fallen master."

He watched as Shizune scrutinized his expression. She seemed so wary of his declaration, as if she thought that love was a natural thing between student and master. After all, life in Konoha was based on love. She would naturally have a difficult time understanding his cold heart.

"None? None at all? But you were with him for so long…"

"And through all that time, I had to witness and participate in horrible, inhuman activities that will most likely send me straight to hell. I never even had a i_chance/i_ to live my own life." His voice wasn't exactly angry…his words sounded more like a lament than anything else. As he distracted her with his open sadness, he stepped closer to her, hoping that she wouldn't notice.

She _did_ notice his movement, but disregarded it. Despite what she knew when she first met this silver-haired medic-nin—that he was the enemy and to be killed on sight—she was unable to truly hate him. Or even hate him at all. For some reason that she couldn't even begin to fathom, she knew that she would only be hurt if anything ever happened to him. They'd been meeting secretly for a long while—God knows why—and every time she saw his face, he became a bigger piece of her very being than he was a minute before. There was nothing she could do but adore him…even with this haunting addition to his face. And now was better than ever. He wasn't her enemy anymore. Not really. He no longer wore that Sound headband. That part of his life was behind him. How could she possibly hate him now?

She snapped out of her reverie when Kabuto sighed her name in a despairing tone.

"Have you ever loved _anyone,_ Kabuto?"

The question caught them both off-guard. It hung in the air for a few heartbeats, giving Kabuto _just_ enough time to think up a coherent reply. "I, uh, I loved my parents. But then, all children do. And then I lost them. I never had any siblings. My parents were it."

"No one since then?"

He didn't answer. He just took her face in his hands again, closed the small distance between them, and pressed his lips lightly to hers.

This wasn't the first time that Shizune and Kabuto had kissed. It was just the first time in a while. The _very_ first time was also the first time they'd found each other alone in this forest. They'd started to battle right away, mainly because of Shizune's instinctive reaction to that damned Sound headband. It didn't help that the only other time they'd seen each other, they'd been ordered to fight to the death. That little 'attempted assassination' on Kabuto's side of the game was a bit of a thorn in Shizune's paw. But that one time in the forest, they'd had no real drive to kill. They'd both been in that forest for relaxation and alone-time—why should that be interrupted? So they just stopped fighting. On a whim, and at the exact same time. They'd exchanged words, teasing on Kabuto's end and angry on Shizune's. Every few sentences, they'd move unconsciously closer, and their words would become softer, tenderer.

And at some point, they were so close together, speaking so tenderly, that their lips touched of their own accord.

After that, they each developed a physical need to see the other again, though neither of them bothered to say this aloud. They seemed to somehow be on the same wavelength, never needing words when it came to their next meeting. They came when they needed to come, and it was always at the same time.

Kabuto finally pulled away from Shizune's adoring lips, still holding her dangerously close to his body. She was just a few inches shorter than him, despite their age difference, so they just rested their chins on the other's shoulder. Kabuto held her around the waist, and she had her arms looped through his, clinging to the back of his shoulders. They clutched each other as if their very existences depended on it, and by now, both of their eyes were overflowing with tears.

Neither of them quite understood their relationship, but they knew that it had to survive for any of their plans to come into fruition. They knew that they couldn't be together, but at the same time, they _needed_ to be together. They could never be together, but they _belonged _together.

Kabuto, his eyes still dripping, finally decided to speak, but avoided her question by asking one of his own. "Have you ever realized…that you've never uses a suffix with my name?"

She let out a small mournful laugh. "I never needed to. When I met you, you were my enemy. I planned on killing you or being killed by you…And after I got over that feeling"—her fingers clenched around his violet shirt, bunching up the fabric in her small fists—"I felt too much for you…to define it with an extra syllable. Besides, it would be too confusing to try to pick one that would fit…you."

He understood her immediately. "This entire ordeal is confusing."

"Your new eye doesn't help anything," she said in a bitingly sharp voice, choking on the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "You looked completely insane when I found you." She broke away from his embrace, putting a few feet between them. "You looked ready to kill me. I think, for a moment, you were about to."

Kabuto flinched away from her words, averting his gaze to the ground. He noticed with despair that Orochimaru wouldn't cry with him. It even took a lot of effort just to get him to look in the same direction. That snake bastard wanted to keep staring at Shizune. He liked the sight of her tears. "He can be a little hard to control sometimes. He desperately wants to take over the rest of my body." He winced when Shizune gurgled out a mix of a gag and a sob. "But I _am_ strong enough to control his power and hone it as my own. I _am._" He looked up and smirked at her, a pathetically weak mocking look in his eye. "I was able to restrain myself when you refused to acknowledge…me."

"It bothered you that much?"

"All ties I ever had are broken. I don't want to lose my very last one."

That one little confession made Shizune let go of her anger, just a little. She sighed mournfully and stepped close enough to knot her fingers in his long silver hair and kiss him again. This kiss was gentle and adoring and confusing and melancholy, like always, but it was just a tiny bit different. There was a new edge of urgency, a tiny hint of hope behind the way their lips moved together. Being together would still be difficult, probably altogether impossible in the long-run. But now he was no threat to the home she loved. He never had to worry about harming her. Sure, eventually they would have to speak about Kabuto's vendetta against Uchiha Sasuke…And she would _definitely_ have to get rid of the idea he had in his head that he had any right to go after Naruto, but they had time to talk. All that mattered right now was that they were together. She would protect her friends later. Right now all she was really worried about was keeping the two of their souls intact.

* * *

**_(A/N) Hello my lovlies! Yes, i know i've been gone for a bit, and i'm sorry. But hey! I got a whole new couple for you!_**

**_Go KABUSHIZU!_**

**_Oh yes. I love you all.  
Miyazaki A2_**


End file.
